I want to remember that rich, sweet and delicious Baileys/raspberry/vanilla milkshake that Adam made me at 11 pm on a Saturday night in August.
I want to remember Mom’s chicken in the dutch oven with salsa and the new potatoes and how damn delicious that was, with butter and salt and hot pepper jelly.
I want to remember falling asleep on the sand on Florence Beach and how it made an X sunburn on my back.
And I want to remember getting up from that nap, groggy and still half asleep, and walking right into the ocean.
I want to remember texting Tanya and Jacquie pretty much every day from work while they were at work too. Pretty sure that’s a good chunk of what got me through the summer, was random “how are u chickie” messages.
I want to remember
getting letters in the mail from friends in BC and Ontario.
I want to remember how much I missed gardening and how the lame, half-dried-out herb pots on the deck just didn’t cut it.
I want to remember how much I thought about weddings and babies. (An embarrassing amount.) (Spoiler alert: I’m not pregnant nor are we getting married any time soon.)
I want to remember
walking every day and learning to see my own feet and my own daily surroundings as special.
I want to remember being at Grandpa’s service in New Jersey and shaking his ashes out of the tupperware container at the base of a tall tree, my eyes wet, while opera played on my aunt’s iPhone through speakers and everyone gathered there was quiet with their own thoughts or tears.
I want to remember the heavy rain in Toronto and how Adam went in that rain to get us a pizza from the place down the street that was still open despite the power outage.
I want to remember having beers with dear friends in Toronto the night before we left, and having one of my best girlfriends meet Adam for the first time, and how low-key and easy it was, and how good that felt.
I want to remember how I knew deep down inside that this was my last summer at the marina (barring all the possible unforseen circumstances between now and next year, of course!).
I want to remember how I went swimming even though I felt fat, even though my bathing suit was a bit tight, even though I was by myself, even though it was 8 pm and I was tired. And I want to remember that it was so totally worth it, because the swimming was awesome.
I want to remember the albums “Songversation” by India Arie, “Tender is the Night” by Old Man Luedecke and “Blackbird” by Fat Freddy’s Drop.
I want to remember that I got through the difficult bits. I got through the days where I was tired. I got through missing Adam. I got through the boredom and the irritation.
I want to remember that I slowed my own life down and loved it so much more that way.
I want to remember that I launched some rad cards and took my first very real step towards self-employment.
I want to remember that I fell back in love with blogging.
I want to remember that the reason I did was because I let go of an idea that was no longer working for me creatively and personally, and because I remembered that the reason people read blogs (including myself) is because they like the voice of the blog writer. Not necessarily because of what the blog is about.
I want to remember that I fell even more in love with Adam, even though nothing in particular happened to make this so, and that that was astounding to me, and made me realize: it just gets better every day. Love is that good.
I want to remember that I got to announce my first short story would be published this fall.
I want to remember enjoying TV: Master Chef, Hell’s Kitchen, Breaking Bad. And not giving a damn or feeling bad about it.
I want to remember buying my second-ever car, the spicy and cute Pepper Potts.
I want to remember that I re-realized that when things feel shaky, or when things feel like they’re in a new place (beyond normal routines), I can always find myself again by being quiet, by taking a walk, by writing in a journal, by being reflective. Always. That feels good to know.
I want to remember that Sunday evening when nothing in the world could stop me from getting to Chimney Corner and drinking in every bit of that sunset.
I want to remember driving to Middle River one hot Saturday and eating an entire pint basket of strawberries, and throwing the leaves out the passenger side window as I would eat each berry, and that one missed the window opening and stayed on the window inside for weeks afterward.
I want to remember buying a pint of raspberries at Hanks Farm and then eating that in one drive too.
I want to remember that I gathered up the courage to contact an old friend I had lost contact with a few years ago, who I miss very much, and that I waited patiently for her reply. And that when she did write, we started up a correspondence again.
I want to remember getting excited over the fact that R&A Paper in Sydney offered to send us free replacement keys for the toiler paper dispensers (an employee lost the key two years ago and since then we’ve just been putting the toilet paper rolls on the backs of the toilets). And that when I messaged Flossie about it in MMS, she wrote back, “Did you ever think you’d get excited about extra toilet paper dispenser keys, Poopsie!?”
I want to remember all the FaceTiming with Adam and how I think that might have actually brought us closer together.
I want to remember how my Birks were pretty much falling apart from under my feet., and that I could feel the gravel on the marina parking lot on the bottoms of my feet. And being too poor to order new ones for a while there.
I want to remember emailing myself links and scraps of ideas, in between doing boring marina stuff.
I want to remember spending a big chunk of money I didn’t really have on a plane ticket to go see a friend get married in BC, after deliberating for months, and then once I had spent the money, being so glad I did, and looking forward to the trip for the rest of summer.
I want to remember that the trip was amazing.
I want to remember going back to school for the second year of my program and how much I love doing my homework. (Besides for the fact that it’s, you know, homework.)
I want to remember that this was the last summer of my twenties and definitely felt like the end of an era.
I want to remember this summer as truly one of the best.*
*Inspired by Elise, of course, and her “i want to remember summer” post from a few years ago.
Fall, I’m ready for you! Bring on the awesome!