Last night on my way in the door after yoga class, I took a picture of the almost-full moon. This morning, sitting out on the deck with my coffee, listening to all the birds, I took a picture of the same view.
I just love light and watching it do things to a space. To trees, to the sky. And I love watching the slight and subtle shifts in the world around me.
A while back when I was going through a hard time, my aunt Claude, my mother’s sister, emailed me a Word document with some words by Melody Beattie. It’s about the “in-between time”. The opening line is:
“Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we need to be willing to be in-between.”
I’m thinking of those words a lot these days. This is an in-between time for me, the time after school and before “the rest,” whatever that will look like. I am “hurrying up and waiting,” as someone put it the other day. There are two jobs I’ve applied for. One I interviewed for and am waiting to hear back from. Another one where I am hoping for an interview, and am waiting to hear about that.
In the meantime, I’m waiting.
I don’t want to complicate things with too many job applications, and I don’t want to look off-island just yet. I would in fact rather stay on the island doing something unrelated to my field for a while, until something in my field turns up. This is home, this is where my partner, my garden, my favourite beaches — in other words, my joys — are. Also, my blog wouldn’t make much sense elsewhere! “Dream Big… Edmonton?” Luckily we’re financially in decent shape, we’re not starving and we don’t have little mouths to feed. So the waiting can take a bit of time.
“Being in-between isn’t fun, but it’s necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we’re standing still, but we’re not. We’re standing at the in-between place. It’s how we get from here to there. It is not the destination.” — Melody Beattie
It does mean that when people ask me out and about, “What are you up to these days, now that school is done?” I feel like my answer is lame: “Gardening, job-searching, catching up on household chores, doing random bits of client work.” It’s not exciting news, and I love to have exciting news! I love to celebrate and to be enthusiastic.
But, oh well. It is what it is! And it’s not that bad, anyhow. Adam’s voice is in my head a lot, saying: “Relax, babe.” So often when I’m agitated and he’ll say that to me, I get even more agitated, thinking “How can he think it’s that easy, to just relax?” But now I find when I’m by myself during the day and I imagine him saying that, it does work, and I do relax. I relax into the in-between.
“Today, I will accept where I am as the ideal place for me to be. If I am in-between, I will strive for the faith that this place is not without purpose, that it is moving me forward toward something good.” — Melody Beattie